The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
