i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
