So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
