If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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