The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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