Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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