You really coming over, don't trick.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
