That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
