I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
