I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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