He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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