Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
