Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
