Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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