goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
