fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
