the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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