Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
