there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
