So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
