How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
