do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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