his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
