Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
