Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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