My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
