dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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