He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
