well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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