Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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