Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
