I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
