just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
