I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
