I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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