i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
