Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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