So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
