did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
