I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
