i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
