he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
