Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
