The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
