sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
