And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
