Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
