break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
