i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
