Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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