If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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