Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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