Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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