My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
