I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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