i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
