i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
