Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I intend to get homeless drunk
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
