matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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