The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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