I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize