there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Randomize
