I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
