So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
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i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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