I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
