If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
