so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
