What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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