i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
