in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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