bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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