Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
