im about as happy as oj after his trial
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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