smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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