dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Boobs speak an international language.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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