K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
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He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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