Got a toothbrush?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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